Archive for ‘Dreams, Inspiration & Positivity’

May 14, 2012

Dreams Come True (or Change)

This past week I’ve been hit by how much change one life can go through… Just looking back on my life, I remember so many dreams I had and so many things I knew I didn’t want…

  • When I was 4 years old, I wanted to be a ballerina [say what?] and wanted to be wherever my parents were
  • When I was 6 years old, I wanted to be a police officer and wanted to move back to North Carolina
  • When I was 10 years old, I wanted to be a blue alien named Deena and never wanted to leave northern Maine
  • When I was 12 years old, I wanted to be a singer and wanted to move back to northern Maine
  • When I was 15 years old, I wanted to be a graphic designer, wanted nothing to do with ministry, didn’t want to go to a Christian college and wanted to get as far away from New England as possible
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January 15, 2012

Fare Thee Well, Lonesome Dove

When I was 10 years old, a darkness seized my life and broke my heart, mind and spirit. A darkness that made me feel alone, unloved, unworthy, ugly, selfish, stupid and like a complete mistake. I spent 8 years completely alone in my darkness – I didn’t even let my parents in. 8 years of hiding my heart, my true self, and spending the last years of my childhood in a cloud of loneliness. Depression started in my middle school years and by 9th grade, I was pretty deeply into a secret, angry solitary state of unhappiness. I found ways of dealing with the depression that weren’t as awful as they could have been I guess… I wrote poetry constantly, but not the kind of pretty stuff that you want to read. I wrote in a cryptic verse that no one could possibly understand unless I told them the true meaning behind it – and so long as they didn’t know what it all meant, I knew it sounded absolutely beautiful and intriguing. I seriously felt like no one in the world truly loved me since they didn’t truly know me – and that if they did get to know me and know about this darkness that they would go from not loving me to actually hating me, and I couldn’t have that either. At least the limbo wasn’t so bad, right?

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October 30, 2011

Meeting My Crafty Side

My apologies for the blogging hiatus – there have been a lot of changes going on for me since mid-September and I’m just starting to settle in to them right before new changes emerge. I’m so excited. : )

As many of you know, I’ve had a lot of free time lately. Generally speaking, any free time that I have had would go into job searching, writing my book, working on things for my wedding business, etc. When I get time where I can actually relax, I tend to choose things to do that aren’t entirely relaxing. My boyfriend gets on my case about this a good bit, reminding me that relaxation is not a synonym for laziness (I have a hard time seeing the difference sometimes). Well, all this free time has been allowing me to look at different ways of relaxing that I would really enjoy. Thanks to the inspirational Facebook postings of my artsy younger sister and an oh-so-crafty childhood friend, I’ve realized just how much I love making things and have started to explore different types of things I would like to make. And it starts with blankets. Yes, friends, I’m going to make some blankets.

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September 27, 2011

Don’t Give Up – Give Back

Photo from W2W Soul

Ever have those days where you’reĀ  just not happy with your life. Out of nowhere, you start picking apart every little thing and trying to figure out why it just wasn’t as good as you want it to be. You know exactly the type of day/mood I’m talking about – you don’t like your job because you don’t find it fun or because you don’t feel like you’re doing enough; you don’t like your house because it doesn’t look the way you want or isn’t in a location you really want; you don’t like your car because it doesn’t have a CD player or because it’s not as new as you want; you don’t like yourself because you don’t feel you’re good enough at anything to consider it your “true talent” or you just feel lonely… The list can go on and on. And thinking about all these things that are “not good enough” for you on those days makes you start thinking about how on earth you can fix it all and it quickly becomes completely overwhelming. The only way to fix your life is to get a better job, make more money, buy a house in the country, buy a new car, and completely change who you are by next week because you simply cannot go on living the way you are any longer. And since that’s practically impossible, you just shut down and want to give up. It’s not worth fighting through all these obstacles, so you might as well just surrender and try to keep on living.

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